Come unto me All ye that Labor

Well I am writing today with quite a heavy heart. Late Saturday night, our assistant band director took his own life. The first phase of silent shock was quickly stunted by witnessing my strongest, most stubborn teacher, break down in tears right in front of my class today. He was so upset that he had to dismiss us.

I can seek the Lord in death, in suffering, in sorrow, but suicide? The bible doesn't say a single word about it, it only speaks of giving life. I will not allow myself to believe the Devil won. God Damn him for persuading David Jones that his life was not worth living. I feel so much compassion for those he was close to, and all of the guilt and sorrow that will inevitably follow. The questions and regrets of only knowing him closer, would he have still done this.

I can't even imagine the kind of hopelessness that David felt. The kind of darkness and evil that consumed him in that moment makes me want to throw up. I am completely sickened by the devil. The anger I feel towards Satan is almost unbearable.

I pray with everything that I am that we hold on to each other and turn to God and not away from him in this moment. We cannot let Satan win. I pray sincerely that God shed his love and mercy on David.

Every moment I have ever felt this weight on my heart, my soul rests on Matthew 11:28-

"Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest"

I must ask that we hold fast to our Sovereign Lord in defeating the devil daily, and that we not forget that it is a constant battle.

HERRRROOOO

Remember that time that I got super excited about starting a new blog with the intention of writing one daily? Yeah I don't either.

Well I'm sittin here on my fluffy bed in Abilene about to rest my head for hopefully a good nights sleep, but I make no promises.

This weekend was Easter and it was as typical as a Massey holiday could get. After just barely missing a huge thunderstorm I arrived in Harker Heights by 9:30 Friday morning, and immediately crawled in bed. That is what we Masseys do. I take my spot on my parents bed with my mom, bubby and daddy sit in a chair, we order pizza hut, and watch the most recent illegally downloaded movie from bubbys collection. bubby and i spent a good amount of time trying to figure out a cool way for me to create a tutorial video for my kids, but realized in order for it to be really cool it would take TIIIIIME which callie no has.

So since I last wrote a lot of crazy exciting things have come my way. I got hired as the freshmen Music Theory, Sight Singing Ear Training, and Piano tutor. I also got hired to work at the front desk of the music building. And of next year I will be the peer leader for the new Cornerstone class, which is just a class for freshmen to help them adjust to college life. Last week there was an audition Scholarship competition held, I auditioned....and WON! woohoo!!

I gotta say though that my heart is starting to get a little heavy as they year comes to a close. my best friend here KrisAnn will be graduating and I have NO idea what I'm going to do without her. This summer I'll be working the ACU Leadership camps, and I already know that it is going to test me and bless me like no other.

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So the man who I thought I was going to marry is getting married this Saturday and I would like that day to go ahead and just be over with. Last week he called me by accident, and every single night since then I have had a dream about him and its getting reeeeeeaaaalllllly old.

I realize I was never in love with this guy, but was completely consumed with the idea of him. I have asked the Lord to break me of this, to tear down anything that is preventing me from moving forward. It is so, SO easy to get into this mindset that, "if anyone deserves to get married it should be me" yadda yadda yadda. But God has his hand in this, and he has chosen to bless him in this way, and has chosen me to wait.

I have been patient, oh yes, I have, and I am now getting to the point where the weight of waiting on the Lord is physically painful. This week is going to be rough. I pray that God will work and chisel away as I endure all these emotions once again.

I am so, so sick of being "that girl" that everyone wonders why I'm still single, that I deserve a wonderful man blah blah blah. I'll get one when I'm supposed to. My PROBLEM is that I am arrogant, and I am EXPECTING it, and I really really need the Lord to shake me of that. I am owed nothing and deserve nothing.

Anywho, if you are reading this, pray for me.

Night Night.